A Sordid twist of Fate
by marishka-mulan
Summary: Post war, Renji is stationed in the material world with his captain. Shuuhei is too busy worrying about Renji being so close to Byakuya without realising he has worries of his own just where he is.


Author: **marishka_mulan**  
**Title**: _A Sordid twist of Fate_ **Chapter one**:Ridiculous thoughts.  
Rating: M, rating will rise with chapter numbers.  
Pairing: Renji x Shuuhei, slight Shuuhei x Kira this chapter.  
Warnings: sexual situations, foul language, alcohol consumption.  
Summary: Post war, Renji is stationed in the material world with his captain. Shuuhei is too busy worrying about Renji being so close to Byakuya without realising he has worries of his own just where he is.

DISCLAIMER: bleach ain't mine, I just borrow characters and make no profit.

**A sordid twist of fate**

Shuuhei sat, his long legs crossed Indian style, on the tatami matt of the ninth divisions empty training dojo. His arms folded stiffly staring at the mat, brows creased with a deep frown obviously in deep thought.

"Hisagi," Shuuhei's brows raised as he turned to look for the owner of the gruff voice breaking him from his chain of thought. Ikkaku, his feet bare and dirty, was heavily padding along towards him, his uniform looking almost tattered and his face dirty.

Before Ikkaku could speak Hisagi cut in

"Door."

"Fuck ya," Ikkaku taunted, mock irritation crossing his face as he went to close the door that was now banging against the inner wall in the wind.

Seconds later Ikkaku sat directly to Hisagi's left in the same manner.

"So why aren't you there?"

Shuuhei knew exactly what Ikkaku meant.

"Because it's no big deal, it happens all the time. If I always went I'd always look like some clingy girl, and I'm sure Abarai would not appreciate that in front of his captain." Hisagi rubbed his forehead with his thumb and forefinger. "And I think it makes it easier on me too if I'm not there" Hisagi added after a moment's hesitation, avoiding Ikkaku's eyes.

Ikkaku merely nodded, he knew himself he didn't really understand what it was like to be apart from his lover for extended periods. Almost everywhere he was stationed, he was stationed with Yumichika.

"Your call I guess," Shrugging his shoulders, indicating that he didn't overly care.

Hisagi let a breath go that he hadn't realised he'd been holding.

"The only thing that concerns me is his Taicho" Hisagi breathed the last word heavily as he let his back fall and meet the mat. "I mean, it's not that I don't trust Abarai, it's Kuchiki I don't trust." Shuuhei's eyed closed and his brow furrowed once again with concern.

"There's not allot you can do there mate, I mean you've been over this before." Ikkaku's response blunt. He tried to ease Shuuhei's worry about his partner. This talk of things like trust and such made Ikkaku feel rather awkward. He put up with Yumichika's feminine outbursts and expressions but hearing it from Shuuhei didn't sit quite right with him.

_I mean he's supposed to be a man for fucks sake._

Ikkaku thought irritably, his typical eleventh division traits always surfacing at times like this.

"And you've been in this situation before and that turned out alright, din't it?"

"I guess..." Hisagi couldn't argue with that, sensing the bald mans discomfort.

"So save yaself the stress and come have a few drinks later, ne?" Ikkaku, who had started to fidget with his torn uniform, stood waiting for an answer before he moved to leave.

_Straight to the point._

"Yeah, we'll see." Ikkaku knew he meant to.

Ikkaku retrieved Hozukimaru from his place beside the door.

"Yumi's then alright? I'll see you then," Ikkaku, once again opened the door, the wind now surprisingly strong howling past, closed it firmly to leave Hisagi alone again in the dying light of the empty dojo.

Abarai inhaled deeply, Zabimaru held fast in his iron grip and hands sweating in what would appear to be nervousness. But of course it wasn't nervousness; Abarai had done this numerous times, for training, for patrol, for missions in the real world. But now, standing in front of the open Senkai gate with his captain he had never felt such unease. Abarai has said his goodbye's to Shuuhei that morning, as they had mutally agreed it was better not to see each other off on missions outside of Seireitei. Abarai was sure everything was normal and in place, so why was he feeling like this?

_You dick, stop worrying yourself over nothing._

Renji took a deep breath and searched for Shuuhei's reiatsu, he found it pulsating rhythmically and contained in the direction of the ninth divisions buildings.

_Well at least Shuuhei's not worried._

Renji adjusted his reiatsu to almost match Shuuhei's, contained and controlled. It was then his Taicho spoke.

"About time you start remembering to do that more often, Abarai." Kuchiki noticing Abarai's taking control of his regularly wild energy.

"Sorry, Taicho." Kuchiki's contemptuous remark had Renji almost relax, knowing there was nothing out of place with his Taicho.

"Now, Abarai." His Taicho instructed before stepping through the now fully secured gate. Renji, resisting the temptation of looking over his shoulder towards the ninth, followed his Taicho into the material world.

Shuuhei Hisagi was not a jealous man. He was sure of it, despite Yumichika's constant accusations of his 'intense unacknowledged jealousy'. Kira, Yumichika, Ikkaku, Tetsuzaemon, Hinamori, Toshiro, Rangiku and Shuuhei himself were seated around a round table in one of Seireitei's most rowdy pubs. The air reeked of tobacco and raw liquor. The deafening thump of bass from the next room rattled the bolts holding the battle-worn table to the floor.

Shuuhei was glad he came out; this kind of distraction was just what he needed. It had only been three days since Renji's departure to the real world, but to Shuuhei it felt like a month. Although this was not the first time they were separated for work, Shuuhei found it increasingly harder and harder to deal without Renji's presence. Shuuhei raised his drink to his lips and thought of the wide, cold and very empty bed waiting for him back at his quarters. The hard liquor burnt his throat as the raven head gulped down the last of his drink.

"Christ Shuu, you trying to drink yaself under the table?" Ikkaku's comment earned a snigger from Tetsuzaemon. Everyone knew when Shuuhei got to drinking, he really got to drinking. Shuuhei snapped out of his day dream state and turned to look at Ikkaku who had finally stopped groping Yumichika, who had been politely fending his wandering hands off for the last hour. Normally Ikkaku wasn't one for public displays but after a few cups of sake Ikkaku was all hands.

Shuuhei glanced around the table, across from himself sat Momo and Toshiro, Momo was actively trying to explain something trivial to a patient straight faced Toshiro, her hands reaching out as if to explain the size of something wider than her body. Shuuhei decided he didn't want to know, and the look on Toshiro's face said the same thing. Shuuhei couldn't help but grin at the couple, he knew the only reason Toshiro put up with her friends wild nights of drinking and madness was so he could spend time with her. No matter how many wild parties and pubs he went to with the group, the teenage bodied boy still made having fun look like a chore.

Rangiku, who was next to Hinamori in the circle, was gossiping vivaciously with Yumichika, across the table. Her large chest threatening to fall out of her uniform as she leaned forward to hear Yumichika over the noise. Kira, in between Iba and Rangiku glared disapprovingly at Iba in annoyance at his open mouthed, downward gaze at Rangiku's womanly 'assets', his drink held mid-motion halfway between the table and his open mouth.

_That's Kira alright, always fuckin' frowning about something._ Shuuhei thought to himself taking another swig.

"You still worried about Renji?" Ikkaku asked, Yumichika's ears perked at the mention of Renji, who had been an avoided topic for the last few days.

"Not at the moment" Shuuhei's words almost slurring together.

"Worried? What there to be worried about Renji for?" Yumichika interrupted abandoning his gossip session with Rangiku who had taken to drunkenly threatening an almost drooling Iba with a set of chopsticks.

Ikkaku realized his mistake of speaking in front of Yumichika instantly.

"Nothing love, just important mission is all. Shuu's got a right to be concerned." Ikkaku thought he sounded quite convincing.

"I've known you to long not to know when you tell an outright lie, Ikkaku." Yumichika folded his arms, shifting in his seat feigning a hurt look. He got the results he desired as Ikkaku apologised immediately. Shuuhei suspected the outcome would have been different weren't Ikkaku so impaired.

"Oh come on Yumi, It's not my business to tell. What ya want me to say babe?" Strong hand began to tug at Yumichika's arm, attempting to force him to unfold them.

"No Ikkaku. I don't deserve to be lied to, and for all you know I might have been able to help Shuu-chan out, were you not so rude." A wink passed from Yumichika to Shuuhei as Ikkaku downturned his eyes guiltily. Shuuhei smiled, having played along with Yumichika's games many times before.

"So I suggest, Ikkaku, that if you don't want to go home alone tonight, you apologise for lying to me."

Ikkaku's hands released Yumi's arms and wandered southwards to rest upon his nearest thigh. Ikkaku leaned into Yumichika and began to whisper softly in his ear. Yumichika's uptight posture relaxed, his arms unfolding and he began to lean into Ikkaku's arms seemingly forgetting about Shuuhei and all the others.

"Kaku, you wouldn't." The feminine man's voice slightly raised in disbelief.

"That's what you think...." Shuuhei turned away, a pang of jealousy struck him suddenly watching the couple interact so intimately with each other. Thoughts of Renji involuntary snuck into his mind.

Shuuhei started to down his thoughts in another cup of sake when Kira made eye contact with him briefly before looking away as if he'd been caught doing something he was not supposed to be doing.

The rest of the night went well. Toshiro and Hinamori excused themselves early much to the surprise of well, everyone. Toshiro lead Hinamori by the hand clearing a path through the crowded bar. His captain's Haori promising no trouble from the drunken men, cautiously eyeing the both of the off as they left through the front door and disappeared into the night.

"It's about time; I was suspecting my captain might have been gay, especially since he hates it when I cuddle him." Rangiku giggled, her eyes still lingering on the place where her captain and Hinamori had been just moments before.

"Rangiku, what you do cannot possibly be called 'cuddling', I think it's more along the lines of _suffocation_." Shuuhei Pointed out the blatantly obvious.

Ikkaku's mouthful of sake made an appearance through his nostrils and he and Iba high fived each other across the table, both barely containing their hysterical laughter at Shuuhei's call. Kira was smirking behind his glass, looking directly at Shuuhei. The tattooed man broke eye contact and looked at Yumichika, who was laughing heartily at the scowl that now crossed Rangiku's face.

"Hisagi-san only says that because he'd rather be cuddled by someone with a cock." Rangiku's striking bluntness and use of his surname told him he had struck a nerve.

"Whoa, hey cool it, Rangiku. Shuuhei was only having a joke." Ikkaku defended Shuuhei.

"I don't care, it was uncalled for...and another thing-"

"Okay enough sake for you. Maybe it is time to get you home," Iba cut her off before she got too far into a rant. "Want me to walk you?" He offered instantly.

"Oh no you don't Tetsuzaemon, Don't think we don't know you ulterior motive. We'll walk her home won't we Kaku? Save you the trouble." Yumichika's tone turned from protective to sarcastically polite towards the end of his sentence. Yumichika stood and reached out for Rangiku's hand across the table. "Come on Ran, let's go home." Yumichika broke contact with her momentarily to gracefully slide past Shuuhei gracefully with Ikkaku in tow. Yumichika took Rangiku's shoulders under his slender arm, both their heights startlingly even. Ikkaku rolled his eyes as the duo turned their backs on what was left of the group and began their journey home through the emptying bar. Ikkaku placed his calloused hand upon Shuuhei's shoulder and leaned down s only he could hear him.

"Don't worry man he'll be home before ya know it." Ikkaku reassured Shuuhei, once again bringing Renji's absence into the spotlight.

"Thanks Ikkaku," Shuuhei sighed and Ikkaku left to catch his partner and the drunken busty blonde.

"Fuck this shit, "Iba stood, totally shut down from Yumichika's taking control of the situation. "Fuckin fag..." Iba continued to whisper underneath his breath as he drained his glass and slammed it onto the wooden table before exiting without a word.

Shuuhei scanned the emptying bar, realising that it was just Kira and himself left at the table. Shuuhei's head spun as he stood, taking a second to regain his balance.

"Let's go, I'll walk ya home." Shuuhei gestured to the blonde and his long time friend. Kira sat looking up at Shuuhei for a moment before Shuuhei spoke again, unsure if he had said something wrong, his head spinning from copious amount of alcohol pumping through his system.

"Or you don't have to..." Shuuhei supplied.

"No, no. I would very much like that Hisagi-san, it's just that I am currently doubting my ability to stand at the moment." Shuuhei realised this was the first time he had heard Kira talk tonight, and he sounded worse than Shuuhei himself.

"Here," Shuuhei offered his arm out to Kira, not trusting his own balance but Kira took hold regardless and with ease and a surprising amount of grace for a drunk, rose without wobbling and slid around the leather curved lounge seat and stood alongside Shuuhei.

Shuuhei suddenly became aware of Kira's cool hands on his forearm. His pale hands in stark contrast with Shuuhei's tanned muscular arms, Kira did not let go and instead proceeded to advance towards the door still attached to Shuuhei. Shuuhei wasn't sure if the contact bothered him or not.

_Shuuhei you fool, all you're doing is helping an old friend. Don't flatter yourself_.

Shuuhei's brain reprimanded him for worrying over the small amount of meaningless contact from his past lover. There was no more 'them' anyway. There was only Shuuhei and Renji. Shuuhei mentally kicked himself for even considering that Kira would be doing this out of anything but drunken innocence. Although his hands did feel the same as they always had. Shuuhei pushed thoughts of Kira from his head but replacing them with wonderings of what Renji was doing right at that moment.

As they stepped out into the cool dark streets of Seireitei, the light and warmth of the pub fading behind them, Shuuhei felt Kira's grip tighten and his body lean heavily against his own, slightly swaying using him for balance. Kira's face pressed into Shuuhei's chest, trusting him to walk him the right direction. They walked for a while, towards Kira's quarters before Shuuhei began to notice Kira's warm breath penetrating the gap in his uniform at his chest. Shuuhei attempted to think nothing of it as they ascended the stairs to Kira's rooms in the third divisions' barracks. Kira's rooms were plain, a pristine white with a display look about it even in the dark of the early hours of the morning.

"Come on buddy, I want to get home too." Shuuhei joked and guided a wobbly kneed Kira to his room. Kira released his grip on Shuuhei as he was guided towards his futon. Kira's bony hands then entwined themselves in the front of Shuuhei's robe and pulled him down to meet Kira's eyes.

"Why don't you stay?" Kira whispered seductive and soft into Shuuhei's ear. Bringing Shuuhei closer to him by his uniform, Kira nuzzled his nose under Shuuhei's ear and neck.

Shuuhei could feel Kira's heat; he could feel the other mans hot breath on his neck, his skin tingling where Kira's hands made contact with his skin. He subconsciously turned his head to the opposite side exposing his neck to the affection. One hand now placed flat on his chest and the other snaking fingers into the chest of his uniform.

_Stop him, you idiot._

Shuuhei's self abusing mind jolted him back to reality, Kira's presence much to close now. His body starting to react to Kira's body pressed tight against him, Kira pressed his groin against Shuuhei's.

_Stop him no__w, Shuuhei before you do something you'll regret._Shuuhei's mind gave its final warning.

"Izuru, you're drunk." Shuuhei's hands found Kira's wrists and pried them off himself. Kira's cerulean eyes widened in acknowledgement of his actions. He dropped to his knees on the futon staring at the floor – all skin contact broken with Shuuhei.

"Shuu I'm so sorry," Kira raised both palms to wipe his eyes. "I didn't mean to, I felt your skin against mine and I just lost it, like old times." Shame swept over Kira instantly after he said this.

Shuuhei was still attempting to gain control over his senses when Kira spoke. Fighting the urge to flee, Shuuhei crouched to eye level with Kira.

"Hey it's alright," Shuuhei pushed away his own guilt for the moment to ensure Kira was alright. "This just happens sometimes." Shuuhei tried to reason not only with Kira but his guilty conscience as well. Kira raised his head and blue eyes met grey with a fierce intensity Shuuhei hadn't felt from Kira in years.

"I'm so sorry." Kira's last words faded as he lied back onto the futon and passed out almost instantly. Shuuhei was grateful for small blessings, the exchange had become awkward and dangerous. Shuuhei rolled Kira to his side, just in case he should be sick, and pulled a blanket over him before turning to leave. Kira's voice sounded softly once again, but Shuuhei noted it was in his sleep. A distressed murmur for his Taicho left his lips and then disappeared back into the heavy breathing from which it appeared. Shuuhei, stood in the doorway, hand on the wooden frame looking over his shoulder at Kira now peacefully sleeping.

Shuuhei locked Kira's front door on his way out, stumbling on the stairs on his way down. The trek to the ninth division's barracks seemed quicker than usual. His head swimming with thoughts of Renji and what had just –or more importantly what had just _not_ happened at Kira's.

Shuuhei found his way to his shared futon and slid into his side without disrobing. He lay staring at the ceiling for several moments, purposely keeping his mind blank, afraid of traitorous thoughts that might enter his mind. It was a battle he did not win. Thoughts of Kira's Hot breath on his skin, his slim yet strong fingers lightly sliding over his hardening nipples under his uniform, those innocent yet delightfully sinful eyes staring into his with a need and intensity that was anything but chaste, entered his mind and Shuuhei found himself palming himself through the material of his hakama before it occurred to him his actions. He tore his hand away with force and pressed the heels of his palms into his eye sockets, shame overcoming him along with the image of Renji and everything he had with him. Shuuhei's erection now full and painful, he refused to relieve himself, punishing himself for thinking of Kira the way he did, for tempting fate, and for betraying Renji's trust especially now he was away. Shuuhei rolled to his side, forcing his hands above his head and tried to think of nothing until sleep finally claimed him.

*****************************

Author's Notes:

This is my first Bleach fan fiction, most characters are probably OOC, but its fanfiction – of course the characters are OOC. I currently have no Beta reader but I don't think my own proof reading is all that bad.

Criticism of my writing is appreciated. I want to be able to improve my writing for future chapters and stories. Needless flaming will be totally ignored, seriously.

I wrote most of this while listening to I can't be with you by The Cranberries on repeat.

Title was taken from A song to say goodbye by Placebo.

Next chapter will probably have stronger focus on Renji. I think I will alternate between them for a while. Also planning to bring other pairing's into the story, but mostly in the background. Not sure how many chapters there will be but I do have a solid story line. Updates will be regular as I'm enjoying writing this in my few precious moments of spare time.

Cheers, Marishka


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